14 Spring Break Survival Tips (Yes, As In Coming Back Alive)

How To Survive Spring Break


These are exactly what they say they are. They are tips to actually help you survive your spring break, as in still be a living and breathing functioning being on this earth. I feel compelled to write this, because even a person in college is still just as stupid as anyone else, sometimes even stupider, when it comes to partying. So here’s some brutally honest advice to keep your heart beating as long as it can without your unhelpful drunken interference.


Know How Alcohol Works.


It’s almost amazing how so many of us have no idea that drinking a bunch of shots in a row can actually kill us. That alcohol is not water, but rather a poison when drank in copious amounts, aka a normal “party” amount to a college student, and can put us in the hospital or leave us to die on the floor of a hotel room surrounded by our friends who think we’re just passed out. I’ll say it again; you CAN die from consuming a shit ton of alcohol, your body can and will tap out. And most people who drink in college consume a dangerous amount of alcohol EVER TIME they drink. Drink responsibly, if at all.


Don’t Drink and Drive


Uber is everywhere, Lyft is everywhere, taxis are everywhere. There is zero excuse for you to risk anyone else’s life, including your own, when you sit in the driver’s seat trashed. Go to sleep on the floor, switch up nights you and your friends are the designated driver or just lay off the alcohol completely one night and enjoy a genuine memory the next day.



Keep Interactions with Strangers in Strange Lands to a Minimum


Ted Bundy was a friendly serial killer. He was cute too. Friendly and cute do not warrant complete and total trust. This is your life and it’s okay to hurt someone’s feelings when you decline an invitation and chose to stay with your friends, rather than wander off into the night with someone you don’t know at all.


Stay Away From Balconies and High Ledges Always.


Especially when drinking. A sober-you can lose your footing and fall from any ledge at any time. A drunk-you doesn’t stand a chance leaning over a rickety balcony as old as the 1970’s hotel that you’re broke ass is staying in. Stay away from any balcony though, not just old ones because science says your body will flip right over them when you lose your balance. Yep. Do not try to defy science and gravity. You cannot. This goes for escalator and staircase handrails as well. Bonus tip, if you’re a girl, remove your heels at the end of the night before descending either. And again, avoid the view and the balcony when you’re drinking. You won’t be able to see anything clearly anyway.


Know That Oceans and Rivers Can Kill You


Do you even understand currents and undertow? That you could easily be pulled out to the middle of it in seconds or your body could be smacked back into the wooden stilts of the dock you just jumped off of? And I’m not even counting being drunk. Even if you’re just taking a normal swim in the ocean on a well populated beach, know that the undertow can bring out (and down) even the most seasoned swimmers. Swim near lifeguards, don’t swim out too far, line yourself up with your friends and umbrella back on the beach (you’ll be pulled constantly even if you don’t know you are) and definitely never enter the water drunk.



Take Copies of Your Passport and Driver’s License


Want to get back home if you lose everything? Copies will suffice for many airports, so keep a few copies of each with you, and don’t keep them all in your wallet, duh. This may not be a lifesaver but who knows, it helps to be able to easily identify yourself in any situation.


Avoid Drinking in a Hot Tub


If reality television managed to make this look really glamorous to you (?), try to be safe about it because it could land you in the hospital. And I’m not just talking about the stumble a male stripper took at my friend’s bachelorette party when he slipped and fell into the hot tub, busting his nose and thoroughly ruining the entire sexy experience for everyone (just kidding it was already weird and awful), I mean heat exhaustion. Drinking alcohol expands blood vessels and rises the temperature of your body, as does hot tubs. The combination, plus dehydration can cause heat exhaustion, heart palpitations and even coma or DEATH. Yep, you can die in a hot tub. Frightening.


Don’t Leave Your Drink Unintended


The shitty thing is, people actually do still drug other people. It’s not a myth, it’s not that you just blacked out, it doesn’t just happen in warehouse parties and clubs.  Some people are desperate and disgusting and will sit next to us in our innocent and unassuming world, making friendly small talk and will completely shatter our lives. So keep an eye on your drink and trust no one.


Tan Safely

One bad tanning session could scorch a mole and ruin your life. This isn’t the 1980s, no one cares how tan you are anymore or if it’s even real. Lather up on the sunscreen or just fake bake.


Avoid Staying On the First Floor


Why? Because bad people who aren’t staying at the hotel can easily get into the hotel and follow you to your room after a boozy night, or wait for you to leave and pillage your things in broad daylight. Bad people know no bounds. Don’t chance it and ask for another room if possible. The people at the desk have ZERO problem with this. While you’re at it, ask for a room with a view. Ooo aaah.


Carry Phone Numbers and Cash


Because losing your shit when you’re drinking in your hometown sucks enough, but being stranded in an unknown part of the world without a phone or wallet could be terrifying.


Get Properly Vaccinated


Whoops I didn’t expect to contract and bring that deadly virus back to the United States and threaten mankind, is just not a cool thought to ever have to have in your most likely rather vanilla life.


Don’t Steal Anything


Not an Oscar Trophy that was left unattended and not a pair of sunglasses for your girlfriend, as Jax Taylor is a terrible role model. The downsides to stealing far outweigh any benefits. You’ll also ruin the vacation for anyone else traveling with you thanks to your unnecessary clepto drama. And yes, this fits into the whole life saving advice, because if you steal from the wrong person, it may not be the police you’re dealing with. Grow up and don’t steal.


Don’t Pack the Wrong Things


For example, if you’re taking a trip to somewhere cold, say you and your friends want to hike up a snowy mountain and tent it for a few days, know that your hoodie isn’t going to keep you warm when the temperature drops at night, that when it’s dark you literally can’t see anything, and that you really can’t eat just any berries and plants to survive. And if you think ha! I remembered to bring all of my cold cuts for many MANY sandwiches, know that bears will be thrilled to hear this news. Always have a flashlight, the correct food and water on hand and study up on the environment you’ll be traveling to and the essentials you’ll need for any trips involving mother nature. Because she can ruin you.